If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

Always have a corkscrew in your house.

For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

It's acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.